Proverbs 31

"How hard it is to find a capable wife!
She is worth far more than jewels!
Her husband puts his confidence in her, and he will never be poor.
As long as she lives, she does him good and never harm.
She keeps herself busy making wool and linen cloth.
She brings home food from out-of-the-way places, as merchant ships do.
She gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and to tel her servant women what to do.
She looks at land and buys it, and with money she has earned she plants a vineyard. She is a hard worker, strong and industrious.
She knows the value of everything she makes, and works late into the night.
She spins her own thread and weaves her own cloth. She is generous to the poor and needy.
She doesn't worry when it snows because her family has warm clothing.
She makes bedspreads and wears clothes of fine purple linen.
Her husband is well known, one of the leading citizens.
She makes clothes and belts, and sells them to merchants.
She is strong and respected and not afraid on the future. She speaks with gentle wisdom.
She is always busy and looks after her family's needs. Her children show their appreciation, and her husband praises her.
He says "Many women are good wives, but you are the best of them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but for a woman who fears the Lord should be praised.
Give her credit for all she does. She deserves the respect of everyone."
Proverbs 31:10-31

Proverbs 31 describes what God sees as a perfect woman.
She is generous, takes care of her family, respected, caring and fears the Lord her God.
As a Christian woman, I find this passage a standard in which to live up to as a woman of God. However, obviously I am not perfect. Obviously I sin and fall short and mess up, so the reality of being this woman in this passage is impossible on my own.
Knowing that I fall short, sin and don't meet this expectation on my own strength, I don't consider myself a Proverbs 31 woman.
However, while here in Chicago with this awesome community of believers and godly men, my eyes have been opened to something.
Yes, I can't be this woman on my own, it is impossible, but with God nothing is impossible.
With God I am this woman and so is every woman who follows the Lord.
You see, the men on project call us women P31's, meaning Proverbs 31, meaning this woman. When I first heard that I almost cried. These men see me as this perfect godly woman. Wow. What a compliment.
But the reality is, I can never be this woman, ever. It is Christ in me who makes me this woman. The important part of this woman is that she is godly, she isn't doing all these things by her own effort, she is seen as a godly woman because she follows God and fears Him. God working in her makes her this perfect woman.
How freeing!
To be a perfect woman, perfect wife, perfect mother, I don't have to rely on my own strength and my own effort, I have to rely on God and God alone.

On a similar note, it has been eye-opening to be treated like this woman by the men on this project. To be loved as a sister in Christ and to be treated as such. These men respect us as Proverbs 31 women and it shows.
It has been a life-changing experience!

Psalm 73

So, it has been almost a month since I started working here at Lake Street. For those who are just joining us, Lake Street Landscaping Supply is a landscaping supply company for contractors and homeowners who need grass seed, stone, mulch, dirt, sand, etc...
I was hired a week before I arrived in the city, by the grace of God.
We received a packet in the mail with all the information we needed for the summer including locations in the city that were hiring. Lake Street was on the list.
Since I have been planting flowers, pulling weeds, moving dirt and working outside for as long as I can remember, I immediately looked down upon the idea of working for a landscaping company.
Well, God had a different plan.
I called almost every other business in the packet and no one was interested. I even applied to Chuck-E-Cheese.
So I swallowed my pride and called lake Street.
I left a message for mark, the owner, telling him why I was going to be in the city, that is as with Campus Crusade and that i would like a job.
This was the only phone call in which I actually disclosed that I was going to be in the city on a mission trip.
He called me back in 3 hours asking for my availability.
The next day, he gave me a job and told me I would be in the office, not in the yard.
So, I started work the first Monday we were here.
I started with answering phone calls, transferring phone calls, cleaning the show room, organizing mark's office and taking sod orders.
Soon enough, I was working the sales desk and getting to know my way around the company and how it works.
You may have read my post about my first experience at the sales desk.
Anyhow, I have now been here for almost a month.
And God has a funny way of showing us why He has placed us where He has and what we are supposed to do for Him.
So, recently I have been rather bitter about the number of hours I have been working.
I just felt really tired all the time, and I felt like I was missing out on project, like group dates, outings, baking cookies, etc.
I was just in a funk about why I was at Lake Street in the first place.
I barely know anything about landscaping.
I am only here for the summer.
I was doing random, seemingly pointless jobs.
I just felt inadequate. I felt like I didn't belong here and I felt like I was just wasting everyone's time and money.
Well, when we do things for God's kingdom, satan likes to feed us lies. That is exactly what he was doing.
Telling me I had no purpose here, that I was not worthy of being here and that I didn't belong here.
Lies. Plain and simple.
BUT, God is good.
Today, is the start of a new week, yet I was still believing the same lies.
Until I prayed that God would tell me why I am here, why I am at Lake Street.
And it happened.
Bubba, one of the younger yard boys, came in to the kitchen where I was cleaning.
he mentioned that Joel, another guy from project who works in the yard, was talking to him about why we are here.
So I started to tell him why we were here and I asked him what he believed and why, then I got to share how Christ changed my life and what I believed to be true of God.
That is why I am here.
Period.
I am here to bring glory to God and to share His Gospel.
Isaiah 43:7
I am here to bring God glory.
I prayed this prayer this morning and the Lord showed me literally minutes later.

Wow.

Psalm 73:2-5
"But I nearly missed it, missed seeing His goodness. I was looking the other way, looking up to the people. At the top, envying the wicked who have it made, who have nothing to worry about, not a care in the whole wide world"
Vs 17
"...Until I entered the sanctuary of God. Then I saw the whole picture..."
Vs 21-24
"When I was beleaguered and bitter, totally consumed by envy, I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in Your very presence. I'm still in Your presence, but You've taken my hand. You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me."

You bless me Lord, You bless me even when I don't see it, You bless me.
See it doesn't matter if I am cleaning out the freezer, or sweeping the floor or helping customers, I am here to serve God and bring Him glory.
I am here for Him.

Week 3

While reading this week, I came across this passage and it struck me. This describes my journey with the Lord over these last few weeks. He has recently shown me some of the things I struggle with and this passage expresses those struggles exactly. This describes what is going on in my heart.
It is based off of Psalm 51:16
"For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with my burnt offerings."

I wish I would live with You in view;
Eyes to Your glory
Ears to Your wisdom
Heart for Your grace.
But I live with me in view.
Eyes to my kingdom
Ears for my opinion
Heart captured by my will.
I know I was made for You,
I know that Hope
Meaning
Purpose
Identity
My agenda for every day,
Is to be found in You.
But I want my own kingdom
I love my own glory
I define my own meaning
I delight in my control.
I know you are not fooled
By my burnt offerings.
There's a war that never ends;
The battleground is my heart.
It's a moral skirmish
Between what You have ordained
And what I want.
So I don't find pleasure in Your glory,
I don't delight in Your law.
But my heart doesn't rest;
I know there's a better way.
I know You are God
And I am not.
My sin is more than
Bad behavior
A bad choice
Wrong words.
My sin is a violation of the relationship
That I was meant to have with You.
My sin is an act
Where I replace You
With something I love more.
Every wrong thing I do
Reflects
A lack of love for You,
Reflects
A love of self.
Help me
To see
To acknowledge
To weep
And say,
"Against You, You only have I sinned
And done what is evil in your sight."
And then help me to rest
In Your mercy
In Your tender mercy
In Your faithful love,
Even as the war goes on.

This hit something inside.
Although Chicago is amazing and I am having a great time, it is extremely difficult spiritually. I have never been so challenged in my faith. I am physically and spiritually exhausted from fighting my own stubborn self will and my sin. I am so tired of it. Honestly, I know God is using this experience to change me and heal me and cut the sin out of my life and help me to grow closer to Him. BUT all that is extremely hard. I feel under attack all the time, not by people, but by sin, the world, satan.
This is just so hard. The Lord is breaking me of sin, and ultimately myself, which doesn't even sound easy, but I know that the Lord has made me for His glory and He will bring me out of this with a stronger faith and a pure heart. God is changing me, and change is hard. The Lord is good.

"I know that god wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle, but I wish He just wouldn't trust me so much."
-Mother Theresa

Praise God for what He is doing in my life, even though it is hard and challenging and discouraging at times! He is good! And He is faithful!

Luke 23:27

"A large crowd of people followed him; among them were some women who were weeping and wailing for him."


What a beautiful verse. These women who were following Jesus were so amazed at Him and so committed to Him,that when they were walking behind Him to the cross, they were so overcome with emotion all they could do was weep, and not just weep, they were wailing.
This verse hits something inside me. These women were so overcome with the sacrifice Jesus was about to make they couldn't help but cry over Him. It makes me all teary-eyed. This man, this innocent man died because I did something wrong, I am the sinner, I'm the one who is broken, yet He was broken and beaten for me, so I may be able to live with Him.
His love is overwhelming, His sacrifice is unreal, His suffering is unimaginable...We have a hard time picturing the amount of pain and torment He faced, it makes us cringe, we try to sugar-coat it. But make no mistake, the suffering Jesus faced was unbelievable. He took on the death we all deserve. Think about all the bad things you have done in your life, and now think of your best friend's list of sins, now add your family's list and what about your neighborhood, your school, your hometown, your state, the country. With all those bad things added up, think about every person that has ever lived and all the wrong things they have done. Now lets say, just to picture it, for every bad thing, wrong thing, sin someone has committed, that whole list of wrong-doings we just created, you added 1 pound of weight to a scale. So, I'm sure you get the picture, if you added 1 pound of weight for all those people and all those not-so-good things, the weight of all that crap, would be...um ridiculous. Think about it, would it be over 1 million pounds? 2 million? 1 billion? I can't wrap my mind around it, I honestly can't. Oh and one more thing, that weight is ALWAYS increasing, always. It never stops.
So bringing it back, Jesus, on the cross, took on that weight, that number, that load. While on the cross, He took that weight. It blows my mind. We can't even think of a number big enough to represent that weight. But He took it on Himself, He died for it so we didn't have to.
That thought, what He did, is incredible... That is a sacrifice a real sacrifice. think about the person you love most in this world, would you die for them?
Jesus died for you because He loves you that much.
So when thinking of it that way, these women were mourning His death, the suffering He was about to face, and celebrating it, because of the love of this one man.
And with that thought, the thought of celebration, I bring you to Sunday, June 12, 2011. This night would mark our first Woman's time here in Chicago. For those who aren't familiar with this phrase, it is a time where all the women on project get together and spend time with the Lord. Women's times have a stereotype attached, usually women get together and drink coffee and talk about purity or beauty or some other specific topic directed toward young women. The men usually get to play sports or do some crazy activity during Men's time, which sometimes frustrates us women who like to play games and have fun too. So when walking into Women's time, I had this idea in mind, "why do the guys always have fun and we have to talk about our feelings...again?!" but I tried to keep an open mind anyhow. Little did I know God was about to use those feelings and those women to change my heart and build a community.
So to make a long story short, Nancy, our director opened up the floor for sharing. Translation, if you have anything you are feeling guilty for, or want prayer for or need to get off your chest, this is a safe place and you can do it now.
Well, to protect the privacy and thoughts of these wonderful women, I will be brief about this particular part. The flood gates opened. Everyone was sharing some deep and painful stuff and it was incredible.
The room was filled with tears, sadness,sin, prayer and hope.
Not only did some women receive prayer and hope for some for their struggles, but they put it out on the open, removing its power. Sometimes sin has a tendency to control us when it knows we are alone and vulnerable, so when you announce it to a room of 50 Christ-like women who are prayerfully and passionately seeking victory over that sin and that temptation, you remove it's control and it's power. We created a community between us, because we could be honest with one another without the fear of rejection.
So not only did we conquer sin and create a bond between us, we glorified God just like those women who followed Jesus on the way to the cross.
We were weeping and wailing for Him, calling to attention our sinfulness and brokenness and remembering His sacrifice, His love and His promises. Glorifying all those things He did for us on the cross.
I came across that verse (Luke 23:27) that night after Women's time and it struck in me the power of what had just happened, and how much god was glorified in our weakness. Those women were not only wailing because Jesus was about to die, but they were wailing because Jesus was about to die for them. We were not only wailing because of our sin and our struggles, we were wailing for the glory God brought amidst those struggles. We were wailing because He died for us and because of that we didn't have to face those struggles any longer.

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful, just like we are because of Him.
Praise God for these women and the cross which made us flawless in His eyes.

Week 2

I have officially become a Chicago-ian, OK I don't know if that phrase is legit, but yes indeed I am officially living in Chicago!
I know that sounds silly, y'all are like "Katie I thought you moved in two Fridays ago," and you would be right, but the first week was all about getting acclimated to the city and to the routine of things around here and now it has begun, things are in full swing.
Oddly enough, even though last week was our first week, I know feel like I have lived here my whole life, which is very cool.
So anyway onto the meat and potatoes of this past week:
Work has been great! Seriously great! I actually feel like a part of the team at Lake Street and I feel like my work and presence there is valued and appreciated, which shouldn't matter because my worth isn't found in whether I am appreciated or not by those I work with, but it does feel good to be accepted there.
On a similar note, I know God is using my experience at Lake Street to not only to do ministry there or share my faith with those around me but for my own healing.
I'll explain.
Two summers ago, I didn't know who God was and looking back on it wouldn't even consider myself a Christian, yes I was raised Catholic, but as far as I knew, that was enough for me at the time, I rested on my identity as a Catholic girl but had no clue what it meant to actually BE Catholic. So anyway, I was working for my grandparents and taking classes at Macomb, which is a community college. Working for my grandparents was fun, tiring but fun. I was finally building a relationship with my grandparents and that was something I had really wanted all my life. So to make a very long story short, my grandfather got very sick in the beginning of July and passed away two weeks later. My world stopped. Literally. He was the first person in my family, that I had a relationship with, to pass away and his death was something I know I still haven't completely dealt with. So, at that time my beliefs couldn't have been more scattered. I didn't know what I believed or what to believe, I was lost. Again, paraphrasing, his death and those questions I was asking myself about my faith and what I believed ultimately led me to my faith in Jesus Christ. I know what you're asking is "OK Katie what does that have to do with Chicago," But I am getting there...
My grandfather was a contrator for many many years. I got to see a little bit of what he did growing up, but not the inner-workings of it. So I work at a landscaping supply company, meaning contractors come in and buy things for jobs and come to get estimates on items for future projects. At the beginning of the week, I was working at Sean's desk (one of my bosses) which is by the sales desk. And as I was sitting there, listening to the contrators and thinking about everything that goes on there, I couldn't help thinking about how my grandpa would fit in there. I could see him standing at the counter with a toothpick in his hand asking the guys about some product for a church, I could see him correcting the newer employees and flirting with the young women behind the counter, innocently of course. I could see him eating a polish sausage on Fridays when we put them out for the contrators, he loved that stuff. I feel his presence there. When talking to my mom about how I felt and what I was thinking while at work she made me realize something. This is God's way of helping me finally come to terms with my grandfathers death. I am seeing his world, the contracting business world from his eyes, from behind the scenes. Working in his environment, I think will help me learn about the kind of man he was in the business world and help me connect to him on a different level, his level, in something he was good at, in something. It is almost like God is using this experience at work to show me something about my grandpa, connect to him on a different level and help me remember him.
I realize this sounds crazy. I know it does, but seriously that's how I feel. His death rocked my world and working at this place may help put some of those lost pieces, the ones still floating out in the space of my brain, back together. I know God knows that, I know He knows I am still dealing with my grandfather's death and the effects of it, yes something good came out of it, I gained eternal life and an amazing God who loves me, but a piece of my family is missing and I know working at this place will help heal those feelings of loss and help me feel as though he isn't completely gone from my life.
God is sovereign and uses everything for His glory and His benefits and I know this experience at Lake Street will help me see that although my grandfather died, God used it to pull me close to Him and God is now using my grandfather's life to heal the pain of that loss... and that is how cool Our God is, He can do anything and he knows what we need and He uses it for His glory.
Again, God works in crazy ways, and on top of everything I am learning here and everything He is teaching me, I know He will help me come to terms with some of the pain I still have left from events in my life, and my grandfather's death is one of those events. I am so thankful to be here and to be learning and growing so much already, and I am thankful that everyday at work I get to remember and in a way celebrate my grandfather's life and what His death did for me in my walk with the Lord.
Praise God for that!

"Cast all your anxieties on the Lord, for He cares for you."
1 Peter 5:7
Yes, He cares, he really cares.

Week 1

Hey folks,
For the next few weeks I will be posting updates on this blog to keep everyone informed on what's happening in Chicago, what the Lord has been teaching me and what I have been up to with my project team and at my job and in this ministry.
This will be a place where I am completely honest about my experiences in Chicago. This will be a little bit more personal than email updates or Facebook posts.
Before I tell you about Chicago, I wanted to first thank you all for supporting me with your prayers and your finances! I have not reached my goal yet, but I am confident that the Lord will bring the rest in quickly and in His timing.
So with that: I am in Chicago!
It has been about 5 days since move-in and I am loving this place!
For the next 10 weeks, I will be living in a loft apartment very close to downtown Chicago. The lofts are beautiful and I even have my own room.
I share the loft with 3 incredible roommates who are super encouraging as sisters in Christ and so much fun to be with, I feel like we have been friends for a long time, we get along really well and I am so thankful for that. We are also very honest and open with each other which is an incredible blessing for me, because I feel as if we can really encourage each other through our past struggles and our current ones.
The schedule for the next 10 weeks is pretty packed; it includes Sunday church, Monday and Thursday night meetings, Tuesday night bible study, Wednesday night quiet times and fun/game nights/hang-out times thrown in along with campus times once a week and other meetings as well throughout the week plus work 5 days a week. So even without work, project is pretty busy and can be rather exhausting.
However, the Lord blessed me with a job before I even arrived in the city, which I am extremely thankful for. I work at a landscaping supply yard, I am the receptionist. I do miscellaneous jobs around the office, including organizing products, filing paperwork, rearranging things and of course answering phones. Today, however, I worked the sales desk which was terrifying. Today was my third day in the office and the only landscaping thing I can do right now is help customers order sod. So the Lord was definitely in control of this afternoon as I stepped behing the sales desk. He provided customers with patience and my co-workers with compassion, patience, forgiveness and kindness as they helped me work the desk. They walked me through orders and checkouts while the customers patiently waited for their products, I have never felt God's provisions like that before.
Here's why: When you are in a hurry and all you want to do is complete your tasks for that day and you run into something that slows you down or makes you miss a task or throws off your schedule, you get frustrated right?! Its a human thing, we have all done it, you just aren't in a good mood, or you've had a bad day, or its hot and you want to get back into the air conditioning, whatever the reason is, we have all been there and it is frustrating. Well today, I was that obstacle. I had no clue how to work the desk or the computer system or even what some of the products were, no clue, I can order you sod, but that's about it, oh and I can put you on hold and make you wait for the next available worker who can actually help you with your order, which can be really aggravating. However, instead of these customers taking out their frustration on me or yelling at me or complaining, they were patient and kind and waited for the next available worker or waited with me as I was walked through the steps to complete an order. Talk about God's grace! That was so cool to me! I honestly felt God's grace and it really showed me God's control and power in all situations, even in a hot dusty trailer in the middle of Chicago.
Although frustration did get the best of me on the walk home, God's grace and love covered all that, at work and tonight. Wednesdays are times where we spend time reading the bible and praying before God, times where we can get away from the craziness of the city and spend time with the Creator. The Lord used that time today to calm my frustration and bring me back to the reason I am here, which is Him and He has been using the Bible and the rest of my team here with me to show me that He really matters, and He is the only thing that matters in this life. Not broken phones or hot summer days or crowded bus rides or sore legs or clumsy moments or even my roommates or work, only He matters, the Lord. This is why I titled this blog Isaiah 43:7 which reads "They are my own people, and I created them to bring me glory." That matters. God matters and He is the only thing, that is why I am on this Earth right now in this year at this time, for God's purpose and to bring Him glory and He has honestly been teaching me that recently and it is freeing to think about that. So bad days? Don't matter. Broken phones? Nope. Sore legs? Who cares. Mean customers? They aren't why I am here. I am here for God's glory and that is incredible. Very cool!
Tomorrow, I go on campus for the first time since arriving in the city. I will be at DePaul University tomorrow, talking to students about who they are, what they believe and simply getting to know them. I have been assigned to Illinois Institute of Technology and Harry S Truman College, which have mostly international students. I am very excited to go on campus and learn all about the students of this city, but I am nervous for how the Lord will use me on these campuses because I don't have much experience with international students, so I am trusting the Lord with this one as He takes me out of my comfort zone.
That is where I will wrap up for the night, with the Lord taking me out of my comfort zone which I think will be a theme this summer.
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers! Thank you again for all the love and support!
Look for updates throughout the summer and throughout the weeks to come!