Week 3

While reading this week, I came across this passage and it struck me. This describes my journey with the Lord over these last few weeks. He has recently shown me some of the things I struggle with and this passage expresses those struggles exactly. This describes what is going on in my heart.
It is based off of Psalm 51:16
"For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with my burnt offerings."

I wish I would live with You in view;
Eyes to Your glory
Ears to Your wisdom
Heart for Your grace.
But I live with me in view.
Eyes to my kingdom
Ears for my opinion
Heart captured by my will.
I know I was made for You,
I know that Hope
Meaning
Purpose
Identity
My agenda for every day,
Is to be found in You.
But I want my own kingdom
I love my own glory
I define my own meaning
I delight in my control.
I know you are not fooled
By my burnt offerings.
There's a war that never ends;
The battleground is my heart.
It's a moral skirmish
Between what You have ordained
And what I want.
So I don't find pleasure in Your glory,
I don't delight in Your law.
But my heart doesn't rest;
I know there's a better way.
I know You are God
And I am not.
My sin is more than
Bad behavior
A bad choice
Wrong words.
My sin is a violation of the relationship
That I was meant to have with You.
My sin is an act
Where I replace You
With something I love more.
Every wrong thing I do
Reflects
A lack of love for You,
Reflects
A love of self.
Help me
To see
To acknowledge
To weep
And say,
"Against You, You only have I sinned
And done what is evil in your sight."
And then help me to rest
In Your mercy
In Your tender mercy
In Your faithful love,
Even as the war goes on.

This hit something inside.
Although Chicago is amazing and I am having a great time, it is extremely difficult spiritually. I have never been so challenged in my faith. I am physically and spiritually exhausted from fighting my own stubborn self will and my sin. I am so tired of it. Honestly, I know God is using this experience to change me and heal me and cut the sin out of my life and help me to grow closer to Him. BUT all that is extremely hard. I feel under attack all the time, not by people, but by sin, the world, satan.
This is just so hard. The Lord is breaking me of sin, and ultimately myself, which doesn't even sound easy, but I know that the Lord has made me for His glory and He will bring me out of this with a stronger faith and a pure heart. God is changing me, and change is hard. The Lord is good.

"I know that god wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle, but I wish He just wouldn't trust me so much."
-Mother Theresa

Praise God for what He is doing in my life, even though it is hard and challenging and discouraging at times! He is good! And He is faithful!