Matthew 23:12

Matthew 23:12
"Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."

Like everyone else on the planet, I have a tendency to get on my high horse and announce to the world how great I am. For example, "Look! I did the dishes! Aren't I the BEST roommate ever!" "Wasn't the dinner I made amazing?! I know, I am the most amazing chef that has ever lived!"
Obviously, some of that is a bit exaggerated, but not by much. I am sure everyone has had that moment where they feel as if they are God's gift to the world because although I don't like to admit it, I have definitely had those moments. I am also sure everyone has had those moments where the rest of the world hasn't realized how amazing they are which leads to a lot of pain for those who didn't your greatness, and that my friends is a recipe for disaster. Talking from my own experience, if you don't acknowledge my amazing cooking ability, or how wonderful I am because I did the dishes for you you better believe I will make you pay for it or pout in the corner the rest of the day until you pity, console and eventually praise me for the wonderful dish-washer that I am. I am a complete and total people-pleaser. I rely on the approval of others or I shut down. That is something I have become extremely aware of since coming to Chicago. It is evident in my life, my words and actions that I value others' opinions before my own and before the Lord's opinions. See a problem? I do.
So here is where this verse comes in. Since I LOVE the approval of others, I tend to want others to think I have my life together, I have my ducks in a row and I can do anything you throw at me regardless of the circumstances. I hate seeming weak or not dependable. I like being reliable and independent. Um, in case you haven't noticed, it is IMPOSSIBLE to be that person all the time. I am not perfect. I do not have my life together. I am sinful and I mess up every single day, every single minute of ever single day. That is why I need a savior. I can't do this on my own.
This week has proven that.
I tend to want to hang out in the lobby until all hours of the night talking to others on project or playing games, going to bed very late even when I have to work in the morning. This leads to problems because I am not getting enough sleep. Everyday this week, I have slept through my alarm or pushed snooze until the last possible second, which leaves me either feeling guilty for not walking up and reading my bible and journaling and spending time with the Lord, or it makes me late and therefore angry. Being a person who depends on looking all put together, this has driven me crazy this week. I don't look all put together, I look like a mess, lazy and tired.
On Monday, the Lord opened my eyes. Every morning, I receive a verse sent to my phone from an app I downloaded. Monday, I woke up to this verse, Matthew 23:12 and was completely humbled.
I don't have to have it all together, because the Lord does. If I act like I have my life all together, the Lord will humble me and He has. If I humble myself and realize that I don't have it all together, the Lord will reward me.
This has been a big lesson for me this week, humbling myself to the Lord and to others. I don't have it all together, and I am not God's gift to my friends or anyone for that matter.
The Lord has been teaching me not to please others before Him and although it has been hard, and very painful at times, it has been so rewarding and so good because he is getting praise!
If I continue to humble myself to the Lord, He will raise me up, not because I have it all together, but because He does.