Week 6

Let's talk about something no one likes to talk about, doubt.
Have you ever had a moment where you questioned everything you have ever thought to be true? Have you ever had that moment over and over again? If so, welcome to the last couple weeks.
I feel as if I can't see an inch in front of me, like I can't see through the fog, like things are so unclear and foggy.
To be honest, it terrifies me.
I don't know which end is up at this present moment.
BUT, this isn't the end of the story, God is not finished with me yet.
As you can see from the rest of my blog posts, I have been learning so much, it just hasn't been all peaches and cream.
This whole Christian thing is messy, and that is a perfect word for it, messy.
Here's why:
I am broken. I am sinful. I mess up every single second of every single day, I am no where near perfect.
God is perfect. God can't associate with sin, so therefore to be close to me, He has to break me of my sin, my habits, my thoughts. Think of me as a tree and God the ultimate gardener.
He has to cut off the dead branches, the rotten fruit and He has to till the ground around my trunk in order for me to bear good fruit and thrive in the ground He has placed me in.
The results are being closer to Him, which is amazing, however the process is painful and hard. As you read in the last post, I strive to be perfect, so this process of being told how not perfect I am is so painful and takes plenty of pride-swallowing.
Here's the cool thing:
The reason God shows us our sin and wants to prune it is because He wants to be close to us. God can't be associated with sin so He has to break us of our sin to be close to us.
That comforts me.
I am going through these things because God is pulling me closer to Him.
Like gold that is tested in fire, it gets refined in the flame and becomes even more beautiful!
Although I can't see an inch in front of me and everything feels like it is upside-down, I still can rest in the fact that my God is a God who longs to be with me and will do anything to hold me in His arms.