Week 10

This is it, my summer testimony.


Coming into project, I was told, “Katie, you are going to need a week to process all the things God will do in your life, I mean it, He will bring up things that you need to deal with that you didn’t even know were problems. He is going to do big things.”
So, taking that into consideration, I knew God was going to do big things in my life, I knew He was going to use this project to change my life, so I was ready.
Psych. There is no way I could’ve been even remotely ready for what God had in store for me.
Within the first two weeks on project, I was overwhelmingly convicted about my desire to please other people before I wanted to please God. I felt like I had fallen into the depths of a sin I couldn’t get out of. Everyone wants to be liked, everyone wants to be popular and valued and treated well by others. The problem comes in when we want to please others and when we want to be valued by others more than we want to please and see our value in God. I was putting my value and worth into my roommates and other people on project and I was being let down. Then, in a moment of pure love, my roommate spoke a truth to me that I will never forget. They were telling me that I am not defined by my sin and that my identity lies in Christ. “Katie, don’t you dare think we are mad at you right now, don’t you dare think that because it is not true. We love you and God loves you, we were put into each others’ lives for a reason.” I was overwhelmed. In that moment, it was made clear to me that no matter what I did or have done, I was loved, not only by God, but by those around me, by my brothers and sisters in Christ.
As weeks progressed more and more sin had been revealed; pride, lust, selfishness, jealousy, apathy, resentment, anger and so on. All this sin led me into a period of doubt and questioning. How could God love me? Why did He choose me? Did He choose me? Was there even a God? Why is this happening? Why do I feel this way? I was knee-deep in a period of doubt and confusion, not knowing which way was up or how to get out of it… then it hit me. I have been focusing on the fruit of my sin, when the real problem was the root. I was focusing on each individual sin instead of the root cause. The reason I needed to please people and felt the need to be liked by them, the reason I was putting my worth in people instead of in Christ and the reason I was envious of others’ relationships and others’ lives, testimonies and journeys was because I wasn’t fully trusting God. I wasn’t trusting His plan for my life, and I was wanting what others had. This was leading to all these sins because I was focusing on what others’ had instead of focusing on God. That was the root of my sin, TRUST. I didn’t fully trust God. And that thought was terrifying. How could I claim to follow a God I didn’t trust?
This new truth threw me even deeper into level of doubt; I felt so lost, so confused and full of all kinds of doubt, my once knee-deep doubt was now surrounding me like a flood. I didn’t know what to do, where to turn, how to respond, I was stuck, so stuck.
At the beginning of the summer, knowing I had a control problem I asked the Lord to take away my control and He was doing just that, He was taking away my control and making me trust Him.
If these thoughts of doubt weren’t enough to fog my thinking, another curve ball came my way. The movement on the campus I was assigned to, the movement on the campus I was leading, the movement on the campus that was thriving with spiritual conversations and outreaches, the movement towards a bible study and English club on that campus was stopped dead in its tracks. We received an email from campus administration reminding us that unless we were accompanied by a student we were not allowed in buildings and we were not allowed to solicit students, which means pamphlets, fliers and other things were not allowed to go out and students were not allowed to be approached inside campus buildings. I was absolutely floored. What? How could this be? Things were going so well, why God why? I was so angry, I was so confused, I didn’t understand. I came to Chicago for two reasons: grow in my faith with the Lord and serve Him by sharing His Gospel, and I felt as if both were ripped away from me. Why did I come here? I certainly didn’t feel like I was growing, I was in the middle of the worst doubt I had ever experienced and now the ministry I was apart of, the one that was thriving was now stunted. I felt so defeated, so hurt, so angry, I didn’t see any reason for this to happen, I felt useless. And then I was hit again. While walking back from a Sunday night hangout my co-leader said to me, “You know when you are playing a game and the guys playing only think about 2 or 3 steps ahead, but the girls think like 10 steps ahead? Well, right now you are only thinking 2 or 3 steps ahead, God is thinking 10 steps ahead, He knows what is going to happen, its in His hands, He’s got this, you just need to trust Him.”
TRUST. There is was again, it felt like a slap in the face. I had no clue how deep this sin went and the Lord was slowing showing me how deeply rooted this sin was in my heart. I didn’t trust Him.
The cool thing about God is that once He reveals sin, He reveals Himself and therefore the solution to the sin. When God reveals sin in our lives, it is to pull us closer to Him, to refine us like precious gold that is tested in fire and purified by the flames, He does it because he loves us and wants us to be purified. That is exactly what was happening, I was being tested in fire and refined. I asked God to take away my control, He was. He was making me trust Him because once my control and power was taken away I had nothing left to fall back on; my own strength was gone and the things I put value in were ripped away from me. If I wanted to get out of this stage of doubt and press forward with the Lord I needed to trust Him, so I opened my very clenched fists and gave up, I cried out to the Lord, “OK, Lord I have no clue what you have in store for me, but I open my hands to you, I throw out my plans and I TRUST what you have for me.”
God puts us through trials to teach us something, and while we are screaming and crying out God to help us and fix things He is softly saying, “I need you to trust me, I need you to trust me, trust me, trust me.”
Once I opened my hands and allowed God in… Things began to change. I started to really see who my God is and I started to see a God I could trust. Things started to change.
Things on campus started to become centered on God. We started focusing whole heartily on intentionally praying for the campus and praying for God to move and use us. After the email we were confined to sharing only outside and the heat was rising to unbearable heights. More and more conversations started to happen despite the heat, people still came to our outreaches even though no fliers or signs were posted. God was moving on campus and showing me that even though we faced a roadblock, He is bigger than anything anyone could lay in front of us and He would get us over the roadblock as long as we focused whole-heartily on Him. That’s the catch, God rewards our faithfulness and when we trust in Him fully and focus only on Him, He can move mountains. He is faithful.
God started to show me things in my own life as well.

1 Timothy 4:4
“Everything that God has created is good; nothing is to be rejected, but everything is to be received with a prayer of thanks.”
Hebrews 10:23
“Let us hold on firmly to the hope we profess, because we can TRUST God to keep His promises.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“But His answer was: My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak. I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses in order to feel the protection of Christ’s power over me. I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and difficulties for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
He was showing me why I could trust Him and He was softening my heart to conquer the fear of trusting Him.
I am by no means at the end of my journey. I have by no means got to the point where I can blindly trust the Lord in every situation. I still doubt, I still question, I still have my stubborn moments of faithlessness and self-will, but as long as I keep my hands open to the Lord’s plan and trust what He has in store, I am taking a step in the right direction.
I can honestly say, it is worth it, this God is worth trusting because He is faithful and He rewards faith and trust in Him. When I stopped living by my agenda, controlling my life to look like how I wanted it to look and opened my heart to what God had in store for me, He moved. He used me, as broken as I am for His purpose, to further His kingdom and to glorify Him. When we stop living with clenched fists, protective of our plans and ready to fight for what we want and think we deserve and open our hands letting go of our desires to accept what God has planned and willingly trusting what He has in store for us, whatever that means, He rewards us with a life that is good and glorifying to Him, which is our purpose in this life.
I didn’t see it at first, I didn’t why I had to whole heartily trust this God, why I had to be completely focused on Him, why I had to have my eyes fixed on Him. I know now that it is because He wants to pour His blessings down on us, He wants to give us that good life, that plan He has for us and He can only give that to us when we are completely devoted to Him.
Coming on project was a big decision, a huge sacrifice and extremely difficult at times, but on project my life was changed. My life was flipped upside down and shaken, but because I serve an unshakeable God who wants to be close to me, I can trust in whatever He has in store for me, why? Because my God is greater, stronger, better than anything I could ever hope, wish, plan or want for myself and my life. He is bigger than any issue, hardship problem or pain, I can trust Him.

Week 9

Let’s talk about how big God is. During discipleship, this analogy hit me.
Water.
Water is everywhere. Our world is 75% water, our bodies are 90% water, and every animal and living thing needs it to survive. Water is a vital part of our everyday life, we need it.
John 4:13-14
“Jesus answered, “Those who drink this water will be thirsty again, but those who drink the water that I will give them will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give them will become in them a spring which will provide them with life-giving water and give them eternal life.”
Water is a common theme in the Christian church; we use it for baptism to symbolize death and resurrection in Christ. In the Catholic Church, holy water is used in every mass. Jesus is known as the living water, the water that came to us.
So if we think about that for a minute, Jesus as water, we can apply that to our already established picture. Water is everywhere and we need it to survive, if Jesus is water than not only is He everywhere in our world but we need Him to survive. Water has a hand in everything that we make, in everything that we eat. Think about it, every Barbie doll is made of plastic and plastic has water in it, every food item has “water” on the ingredient list. It is in everything. Now, I am not saying Jesus is in everything, He isn’t. He isn’t physically in a Barbie doll and He isn’t the prize inside your Captain Crunch box, but He created everything, He has a hand in everything. See where I’m going with this? Water is a part of everything in our world and if Jesus is the living water, than He is too.
So to continue this analogy, lets talk about surviving without water. Doctors say you need 8-10 glasses of water a day; you can only survive about 2-3 days without it. Jesus says, with this water that only I can give you will have eternal life. So Jesus is the only way to have life. Eventually, our bodies will die, our basic life functions will cease to work and we will all be buried in the ground someday, this is nothing new we know this, but what Jesus is saying is that if we believe in Him, He will give us this water and we will live forever. If we believe in Him Jesus will supply us with the only water that can sustain us for eternity. Its simple, Jesus is water, without water we die. Without Jesus we die.
Another thing? We get dehydrated when we don’t have enough water. Jesus says that if we believe in Him we will never go thirsty, He will constantly fill us, hydrate us, if you will with His word, His love and His grace. Since we live in a broken world, a world that drains us, we constantly get dehydrated; we get worn down and worn out by the things of this world, the hardships, the challenges and the mistakes. So not only does He provide life, He fills us when the world dehydrates us.
Then I was hit with another thing, water is inside us. So not only does Jesus have a hand in everything in our world and not only does he sustain life, but he is in us. Now this may sound creepy like there is this bearded man living inside us, but that’s not what I mean. When we put our faith in Jesus, He doesn’t leave us to live in this broken world by ourselves, He gives us a helper to help us go the right way, to help us fight off temptation and not give into sin, He gives us His Spirit.
So if we continue on this theme, water is in everything and has a part in the creation of all things, God has a hand in everything, He controls everything in this world. Jesus is the water that continually sustains us, if we believe in it we will never go thirsty and we will never die. And His Spirit is the water that lives in us that performs basic functions.
That is nuts. Think about that. That is my God, a God above, in, around, and in control of everything; God is so big, so massive that I can’t even wrap my mind around how big He is. Think about water and think about its power. Water made the Grand Canyon! Water has been found on other planets! Whoa! So not only is God in, around, in control of everything, but He is in complete control, He has total power. That blows my mind.
Water.
That describes my God. A God who gives me life, who not only sustains my life by performing basic functions but guides me in this life towards Him. A God who is so powerful and so mighty it sometimes scares me. That is my God.
My God is in me, my God fills me, my God is in control, my God is all around me.

Matthew 3:11-17

Matthew 3:11-17
“I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me comes one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor, gathering his wheat into the barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire. Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. But John tried to deter him, saying, “I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?” Jesus replied, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John consented. As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

Baptism: a public declaration of an inner decision.
For the past couple of weeks Willow Creek Chicago, the church we attend in the city, has been talking about baptism. There has been announcements about the baptism service, classes to attend if you were interested and invitations to those who haven't been baptized, but have a relationship with Jesus. To be honest, I was baptized last October at MSU and I hadn't thought much about it.
Last week, Jon, the pastor at Willow, mentioned the service next week saying it was a baptism service and that anyone was invited to come and be baptized as a public declaration of their relationship with Jesus even if they had never attended a class or went to a meeting. I knew some people from project were thinking about it and some had gone to classes and some had made a decision to be baptized this Sunday, today. Beyond that I hadn't thought much about it, I was so happy for the 4 people from our project getting baptized and I was excited I could experience it from the stage where I would be interpreting for Rebekah, the deaf girl who attends church, but that was about it.
God, however, had a much bigger plan.
Things started out normally, I went to church, went to a production meeting and got ready for service to start. The service went as planned, worship, video, message... then something I had been waiting for all summer happened.
The message this week was of course about baptism and Jon used this passage, Matthew 3:11-17. Usually, since she is 13, Rebekah doesn't understand the message as it is spoken, so I have to stop and clarify some things, she usually says she understands and we continue. Today, Jon was talking about why Jesus had to be baptized and what happened after Jesus was baptized by John the baptist, I asked her if she understood and she said no so I stopped to clarify that after Jesus was baptized He was sent to the desert to be tempted by the devil for 40 days without food and water. She asked me why, why did he have to go to the desert? I told her because he had to experience temptation and sin. She asked why. This led to me explaining her why Jesus came to the world, why He died on the cross and what that meant. He came for us, He came to give us eternal life and to be with us forever, and by Jesus, who is perfect, taking our sin and dying on the cross for it, He took the death we deserve and gave us life. By Jesus taking our sin, He made us perfect. He did all this because He loves us and wanted to have a personal relationship with us, He wants to be with us forever. I got to share the Gospel with her, in ASL. As some of you know by reading my other posts, I have wanted to share the Gospel with her and with other deaf people, but was terrified and felt completely unable to, like I didn't have enough skills and couldn't get through it in ASL. Well, God used me today and gave me the opportunity to share the Gospel with Rebekah, in her first language, in a way she understood.
I was completely OK with that. Overjoyed at that. But, God, like I said had a much bigger plan.
After the message, Jon invited those who were getting baptized to come up on stage and then worship started again. Jon mentioned one more time that even if you have never gone to a class or attended a meeting on baptism, but felt called to get baptized, you were welcome to come up on stage. Willow had clothes to get baptized in and wanted anyone who wanted to get baptized to come up and declare that they loved Jesus and wanted to get baptized.
So worship started and out of the corner of my eye I see 2 women that I am on project with start to cry uncontrollably. I look behind me and see my roommate walk on stage to join the 4 that had decided to get baptized. Then, 2 more, and 2 more and 3 more and 3 more and 1 other person and some more. In total, 20 people from project were on stage changed and ready to be baptized. 20 of my brothers and sisters in Christ were publicly declaring their love for the Lord and that they were changed because of their relationship with Jesus.
I was overwhelmed, I could barely sign. I was in shock. But like I said, God had a bigger plan, even still.
Rebekah had been thinking about baptism and during the service today was questioning whether or not she should go up. Her mom told her that it was her decision and she would know if it was right. Next thing I knew Rebekah was handing her mom her hearing aids and heading up on stage. Her mom looked at me and told me to follow her and help her.
I walked on stage and helped her find clothes and find the changing room. Next thing I new she was in the tub and Jon called her mom up to help. Rebekah said she loved Jesus, knew she had a relationship with Him and knew that He loved her and wanted to be baptized. She was dunked under the water and when she came out the entire church was applauding, in ASL.
It was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
I still haven't comprehended all that happened, I still haven't taken it all in.
What an amazing experience. God used me, not only to share His love, but to help Rebekah declare her love for Him. Wow.
God was moving in that place.
Not only did 20 of my friends get baptized in one of the most beautiful way I have ever seen, but a girl who I met 5 weeks ago was baptized with my help because of God's gift. She was baptized by water and the Spirit and in ASL, her first language, the way God made her.
God is bigger than any of us can imagine. God is more beautiful than any of us can imagine. God is AMAZING!
That was probably one of the most incredible experiences of my life, something I hope to never forget, something that showed God's love, God's power and His beauty.
Wow. I am still in awe of God and His power to change lives.

Week 8

So, the Lord is faithful.
Don't believe me? Listen to this.
On Monday, we have Impact Team meetings. Impact Team consists of a girl's bible study and a boy's bible study, and as a team we go onto the same campus in the city and share the Gospel.
Recently, we have been told that going into buildings and distributing items to students is considered soliciting and is not permitted on our campus. This development, for me, was a hard one to take. I was so angry with God. Why would He take this away? Why would He want us to struggle? Why? Why God why are you doing this? Well, here's why. I wasn't pursuing God. I know that sounds absurd, but its true. I wanted to start a bible study for me, for my glory; I wanted an english club because it would look good and that selfish, me first attitude isn't pleasing to God, so He stopped me in my tracks and took away my control. As stated many times before, I love control, I lack trust in God and God has been slowing breaking me of that. This recent event, was a hard pill for me to swallow because God took away my control and was forcing me to trust Him.
So due to this recent change in our ability to share on our campus, morale on our team had been low because we have to share outside and in 100 degree weather, and that is not fun. So morale was low, spirits were weak and things were looking bleak.
In an effort to try and lift spirits, we decided to make a list of intentions for the week; things we as a group or as individuals wanted to be held accountable for on campus that week. Things like getting into 4 Gospel conversations, or having conversations at work, etc. So we made a list of about 20 things, trusting the Lord and depending on His faithfulness.
Well, our God is faithful.
By Monday, God gave us a staff member on campus who is a Christian and wants to help us, God gave us a breakthrough in doing outreach by leading us to the person in charge of outreach for our organization, God had given Rachel 6 conversations with students and 6 opportunities to share the Gospel, God had given Tyler opportunities to share the Gospel, God was faithful!
By the end of the week, about 7 things on our list had been done.
I was wondering why God took away our ability to share on campus, I was questioning God and His goodness and He showed me His faithfulness, He showed me His goodness and He showed me that when He is in control and when I trust Him, things happen. Nuts. That is nuts. The God of the universe, chose to be faithful to me and to our Impact Team and to show me what happend when I trust Him.
I was questioning and God answered my questions.
God is so good and faithful.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"But His answer was, 'my grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak.' I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ's power over me. I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and difficulties for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Lately, life has been less than amazing. Plans have fallen through, people have been letting other me down, campus has been discouraging, enthusiasm is decreasing, tensions are rising, things are changing and life has just been challenging.
I shouldn't be surprised. We live in a fallen world, people are sinful, therefore are world is sinful and messed up. Life is hard.
However, God is amazing. His power is made greatest in my weakness.
What does that mean? Well, when this world lets me down and I feel like I am on my last leg, God has got me. When things are hard, when people on campus are less than interested, when people let me down, when my feelings get hurt and I am disappointed, God's power is at its greatest because He is all I need; when other people let me down, depending on Him through all the stuff life throws at me, shows how strong He is because He carries me through all that. Depending on Him through that brings Him glory. And why am I here on this Earth? To bring Him glory.
That is very comforting.
If you have been keeping up with the last couple of posts, trust in the Lord has been the hardest thing for me to do. Slowly, the Lord has been showing me why trusting Him is worth it. This verse shows me one reason why trusting is worth it. If I depend on the Lord and trust Him to carry me through everything the world throws at me, not only am I made strong despite my weakness, the Lord is shown powerful and is given glory. So, if I trust Him, He will not only bring me through all the storms in my life, He will make me stronger in them.
It has been amazing to see the Lord's faithfulness. I have been struggling to trust Him and surrender things to Him, but He hasn't given up on me. He's been showing me how to trust Him and why I need to. Basically, if I trust the Lord, He will not only give me eternal life, but He will guide me through the storms in my life and make me stronger in them, He will give me a life that is good and prosperous and he will always be there for me.
That defines only a part of who my God is, that is a God I can give my life to, that is a God who I can trust, that is a God who I can worship. That is my God.

His grace is all I need and I am made strong in my weakness because of who my God is.

Week 7

Lets talk about focus.
Lately I have been extremely convicted about what my focus is and what is should be. What my focus should be is Christ. What is my actual focus? Lately, everything except Christ.
My focus should be on Christ because when I don't keep my eyes completely focused on Him and His plan, I miss out on what He has in store for me.
I'll explain in this way:
So you are at a shooting range, and you are looking down at the target and focusing on where you want the bullet to end up. As long as you are focusing on the target, you are accomplishing your goal pretty well, the minute you take your eyes off that target or switch your focus even for just a second, you miss.
See where I'm going with this?
If I take my eyes off God, I miss the target. I fall into sin; I fall back into the lifestyle God has been protecting me from, I become a person I don't want to be and I miss out on what the Lord has in store for me. I miss the target, the goal, the end point, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Since coming to Chicago, the Lord has been teaching me a ton of things. Things about myself, things about Him, things about His people, His kingdom and my future with Him.
I think this is the hardest lesson to learn.
Why? Because keeping my focus completely on the Lord means that I'll have to stop focusing on other things. Meaning, things that I have been focusing on are pushed aside. Meaning goals I have set for myself may never happen, because they are not in the Lord's plan. See, when my focus in on the Lord it means that I give my plans to Him and focus on Him, His kingdom and His plans for me. And sometimes our plans don't mirror the plans the Lord has, which is hard.
This is where that trust thing comes in again. I need to TRUST in the Lord, TRUST that His plan is better than mine, because it is. I need to TRUST that once I focus completely on the Lord, He will take care of me and provide for me. I need to TRUST Him completely and this is the ultimate act of trust for me, changing my focus, opening my hands, putting my plans in the trash, looking up the Lord and saying, "OK Lord, whatever you have for me, I'll do."
Once I focus, trust, believe and become satisfied in the Lord and the Lord alone, I open myself up to what the Lord has planned for me. I can either go ahead and fall into the Lord's plan or I can turn around and walk away from the Lord.
Although the Lord's plan may seem scary now, a life without Him is even scarier, so I will walk into the unknown with the Lord, trusting Him to guide me.
I can trust in the Lord's guidance because He has been faithful in the past and He will be faithful in the future.
So here I go.

John 13

"Then Jesus washed the feet if His disciples..."

What comes to your mind when you read this? What do you think?
Is this weird? Ordinary? Kind? Gross?
What comes to mind?

Well, until yesterday I passed over this section in the bible without much extra thought, "That's cool," or "How sweet," but not much more until I experienced it.
Jesus did this to serve His disciples. As many of you know, feet can be pretty gross, we use them all day, we walk around on them, we walk around barefoot and walk into things, our shoes stink so therefore our feet stink, but Jesus didn't care, He washed their feet to serve them and show them how much He loved them. Jesus humbled himself to wash the most disgusting part of their bodies to show them that there was nothing He couldn't or wouldn't do for them.
Jesus practiced what he preached.
He tells us to humble ourselves, to serve others, to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, then He does it.
That is pure love, pure sacrifice, to humble yourself, get on your knees and wash the most rancid part of the body. Why? Because you love them and will do anything for them, You want to show them you care for them and you want to serve them.
This blows me away, I still haven't grasped the gravity of this action, all the love, sacrifice, humility and service behind it.
Here's what happened:
We had Women's Time last night and we started out the evening reading scripture, and praying for the time the Lord was about to give us, then we broke off to spend some alone time with the Lord, journaling, praying and reading His word.
As I started journaling and spending some time with the Lord, Bekah, my discipler, asked me to come and follow her to the back. I was confused and didn't know what to expect, but I followed her. She grabbed my hand and led me to the back of the room, where I started to see wash stations. Then it hit me, she was about to wash my feet. I was overcome. Completely.
I broke down in tears. I couldn't control my emotions and collapsed into her arms. She held me as I cried and shook and told me how much she loved me and how much God loved me.
I was completely overcome.
I have nasty feet, full of callouses and scars from years of dance and being barefoot. Plus, my feet are always dirty, always.
She didn't care, she washed my feet to show me that she loved me. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for me because she loved me and nothing about me was too gross for her to love.
This was Christ's love in every sense of the word.
When I think about it, Christ washed His disciples' feet not just because He loved them, not just because He wanted to serve them, but because He wanted to wash them clean! Christ wants to wash away our sin, even the nastiest, dirtiest sin we have, He wants to wash it clean, Why? Because to Christ, nothing about us is too gross for Him, nothing about us disgusts Him, there is nothing He doesn't like about us, even our nasty habits, sins and addictions.
He came to wash us clean, even the darkest parts of us, he came to wash clean and he showed that is a physical way by washing the feet of His disciples.
This blows my mind. This shows me how much God loves me and how He shows us that love through other people and through community. God loves me and He loves me enough to wash my feet, no not in a physical way, Jesus didn't walk in the room and wash my feet, but if He wanted to, Jesus could come back and wash my feet because He loves me and wants to wash every part of me clean, even my dirty nasty feet.

Week 6

Let's talk about something no one likes to talk about, doubt.
Have you ever had a moment where you questioned everything you have ever thought to be true? Have you ever had that moment over and over again? If so, welcome to the last couple weeks.
I feel as if I can't see an inch in front of me, like I can't see through the fog, like things are so unclear and foggy.
To be honest, it terrifies me.
I don't know which end is up at this present moment.
BUT, this isn't the end of the story, God is not finished with me yet.
As you can see from the rest of my blog posts, I have been learning so much, it just hasn't been all peaches and cream.
This whole Christian thing is messy, and that is a perfect word for it, messy.
Here's why:
I am broken. I am sinful. I mess up every single second of every single day, I am no where near perfect.
God is perfect. God can't associate with sin, so therefore to be close to me, He has to break me of my sin, my habits, my thoughts. Think of me as a tree and God the ultimate gardener.
He has to cut off the dead branches, the rotten fruit and He has to till the ground around my trunk in order for me to bear good fruit and thrive in the ground He has placed me in.
The results are being closer to Him, which is amazing, however the process is painful and hard. As you read in the last post, I strive to be perfect, so this process of being told how not perfect I am is so painful and takes plenty of pride-swallowing.
Here's the cool thing:
The reason God shows us our sin and wants to prune it is because He wants to be close to us. God can't be associated with sin so He has to break us of our sin to be close to us.
That comforts me.
I am going through these things because God is pulling me closer to Him.
Like gold that is tested in fire, it gets refined in the flame and becomes even more beautiful!
Although I can't see an inch in front of me and everything feels like it is upside-down, I still can rest in the fact that my God is a God who longs to be with me and will do anything to hold me in His arms.

Matthew 23:12

Matthew 23:12
"Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."

Like everyone else on the planet, I have a tendency to get on my high horse and announce to the world how great I am. For example, "Look! I did the dishes! Aren't I the BEST roommate ever!" "Wasn't the dinner I made amazing?! I know, I am the most amazing chef that has ever lived!"
Obviously, some of that is a bit exaggerated, but not by much. I am sure everyone has had that moment where they feel as if they are God's gift to the world because although I don't like to admit it, I have definitely had those moments. I am also sure everyone has had those moments where the rest of the world hasn't realized how amazing they are which leads to a lot of pain for those who didn't your greatness, and that my friends is a recipe for disaster. Talking from my own experience, if you don't acknowledge my amazing cooking ability, or how wonderful I am because I did the dishes for you you better believe I will make you pay for it or pout in the corner the rest of the day until you pity, console and eventually praise me for the wonderful dish-washer that I am. I am a complete and total people-pleaser. I rely on the approval of others or I shut down. That is something I have become extremely aware of since coming to Chicago. It is evident in my life, my words and actions that I value others' opinions before my own and before the Lord's opinions. See a problem? I do.
So here is where this verse comes in. Since I LOVE the approval of others, I tend to want others to think I have my life together, I have my ducks in a row and I can do anything you throw at me regardless of the circumstances. I hate seeming weak or not dependable. I like being reliable and independent. Um, in case you haven't noticed, it is IMPOSSIBLE to be that person all the time. I am not perfect. I do not have my life together. I am sinful and I mess up every single day, every single minute of ever single day. That is why I need a savior. I can't do this on my own.
This week has proven that.
I tend to want to hang out in the lobby until all hours of the night talking to others on project or playing games, going to bed very late even when I have to work in the morning. This leads to problems because I am not getting enough sleep. Everyday this week, I have slept through my alarm or pushed snooze until the last possible second, which leaves me either feeling guilty for not walking up and reading my bible and journaling and spending time with the Lord, or it makes me late and therefore angry. Being a person who depends on looking all put together, this has driven me crazy this week. I don't look all put together, I look like a mess, lazy and tired.
On Monday, the Lord opened my eyes. Every morning, I receive a verse sent to my phone from an app I downloaded. Monday, I woke up to this verse, Matthew 23:12 and was completely humbled.
I don't have to have it all together, because the Lord does. If I act like I have my life all together, the Lord will humble me and He has. If I humble myself and realize that I don't have it all together, the Lord will reward me.
This has been a big lesson for me this week, humbling myself to the Lord and to others. I don't have it all together, and I am not God's gift to my friends or anyone for that matter.
The Lord has been teaching me not to please others before Him and although it has been hard, and very painful at times, it has been so rewarding and so good because he is getting praise!
If I continue to humble myself to the Lord, He will raise me up, not because I have it all together, but because He does.

Week 5

So I am sure you have all heard the phrase, "the Lord works in strange ways," right?!
Well sometimes those strange ways just make absolutely NO SENSE!
I'll explain.
Before coming to Chicago I had some expectations of what the Lord would do in my life, how He would change certain habits, expose some faults and sin and ultimately help me to grow in my relationship with Him and walk more closely with Him. I was also warned that the Lord may bring something up in my heart that come out of left field, things I had no clue I struggled with or needed to confront or needed to deal with. BINGO! Hey there left field how are you?!
I had an idea that this trip would be challenging but I had no clue how challenging it would be and lately it has been extremely challenging to the point of not understanding what the Lord is doing or why. And that is SO SCARY! The point of this trip was to share the Gospel with those who don't know the Lord and grow closer to Christ, not to be confused by what He is doing and who He is.
But lately, following some hard changes on project, I was left with confusion, complete confusion on what the Lord was doing, why He was doing it and what it all meant. And to be honest, I am still left in confusion at least slight confusion. I don't know why the Lord is doing what He is doing, but I do one thing: No matter what circumstances I face or what I feel, God is in COMPLETE CONTROL.
So, although my future seems a little foggy at the moment and I am unclear as to why i am struggling with certain things and why the Lord is choosing to do certain things, I know that He gives us visions and He turns them into realities. What in the world does that mean?! That means that in His timing for His purpose for OUR good! That's cool, but extremely difficult to wrap my head around.
I wish I could be more clear about what is going on, but honestly I'm confused, I don't know what is going on nor do I know what will come from it and where all of this will lead me. That is not up to me, I have no control of where I go, where I end up or what I end up doing, again, God does everything in His timing for His purpose for our good and that is all I need to know at this point and that is something I can hold onto because I know it is truth.
Sometimes the Lord works in strange ways, and I don't understand those ways sometimes, but I can rest in the fact that God does all things in His timing for His purpose for our good.
So whatever He is doing will be for my good, I just have to be patient in waiting for His will to unfold.
I know that this is confusing, it confuses me!
But again it is all for God's purpose, HE IS IN COMPLETE CONTROL and that is not confusing at all.
So I can praise the Lord for that clarity!
Praise Him!

Week 4

So let me take you back a week.
Last Sunday, we went out to the "Taste of Chicago" to share the Gospel and talk to people about their beliefs.
While waiting to leave the apartment building Rachel turns to me and says, "wouldn't it be great if you could share the Gospel with someone who is deaf, that way you could use ASL!"
I flipped, that thought terrified me. I couldn't do that, there is no way I am skilled enough for that! I would mess it up, what if I forgot a word and mislead them?! These thoughts continued and honestly stuck with me that entire day, even though I didn't actually get to share with anyone who was deaf.
I've been thinking about it since, I have this gift. The Lord has blessed me with this skill and a heart for the Deaf community and for American Sign Language, so why did I freak out when faced with the possibility of using it? It makes no sense, I should rejoice in God's gifts and use them to further His kingdom and bring Him glory. Not freak out and run from what he may have called me to do.
Well God, in His infinite wisdom and power, knew that I was thinking about this and knew that I was troubled with my initial reaction so He gave me another opportunity.
On Monday, Bekah and Adam had seen on the Willow Creek website, the church we attend, that they needed an interpreter for Sunday services. They told me to apply.
Being my usual stubborn self feeling under qualified and not good enough for the position, but wanting to use this gift God had given me, I took a step of faith and emailed the church to told them I was interested.
However, I let them know that I am not a certified interpreter only a student in the training program and if they had a specific individual who needed an interpreter, I was not qualified.
Within the day they emailed me back telling me they only wanted someone to sign for the general public and that they would love to have me help.
Praise God!
I am finally using this gift for Him!
I will be signing the services at Willow Creek from now on!
And you know what, i realized something, even if I mess up or forget a word or fall behind in the service, I am helping those who can't hear understand the service a little better. I am furthering God's kingdom by doing so.
That took me a while to realize and to accept, and I still am trying to accept that.
I could forget every word I know and stand there spelling everything and someone could come to know who God is regardless.
It is out of my control, God is going to use me regardless on Sundays to help those who are hard of hearing. Yes, I realize I need to practice and prepare for Sunday, but when it comes down to it, God is going to use me at that service regardless of my actual abilities.
It is not up to me, I need to come prepared and interpret to the best of my abilities and then leave the rest up to God.
This is something I struggle with, giving that control to God and accepting that regardless of what happens on Earth, God is in control.
I like to plan things and prepare like crazy for them and strive for perfection, but that is totally undermining God's power. He is going to use me how He sees fit whatever way He sees fit, in His timing, for His purpose.
That is something that can never change, and that is something to praise Him for. His constant supervision and control over our lives and this world regardless of our circumstance, ability or perception.

Proverbs 31

"How hard it is to find a capable wife!
She is worth far more than jewels!
Her husband puts his confidence in her, and he will never be poor.
As long as she lives, she does him good and never harm.
She keeps herself busy making wool and linen cloth.
She brings home food from out-of-the-way places, as merchant ships do.
She gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and to tel her servant women what to do.
She looks at land and buys it, and with money she has earned she plants a vineyard. She is a hard worker, strong and industrious.
She knows the value of everything she makes, and works late into the night.
She spins her own thread and weaves her own cloth. She is generous to the poor and needy.
She doesn't worry when it snows because her family has warm clothing.
She makes bedspreads and wears clothes of fine purple linen.
Her husband is well known, one of the leading citizens.
She makes clothes and belts, and sells them to merchants.
She is strong and respected and not afraid on the future. She speaks with gentle wisdom.
She is always busy and looks after her family's needs. Her children show their appreciation, and her husband praises her.
He says "Many women are good wives, but you are the best of them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but for a woman who fears the Lord should be praised.
Give her credit for all she does. She deserves the respect of everyone."
Proverbs 31:10-31

Proverbs 31 describes what God sees as a perfect woman.
She is generous, takes care of her family, respected, caring and fears the Lord her God.
As a Christian woman, I find this passage a standard in which to live up to as a woman of God. However, obviously I am not perfect. Obviously I sin and fall short and mess up, so the reality of being this woman in this passage is impossible on my own.
Knowing that I fall short, sin and don't meet this expectation on my own strength, I don't consider myself a Proverbs 31 woman.
However, while here in Chicago with this awesome community of believers and godly men, my eyes have been opened to something.
Yes, I can't be this woman on my own, it is impossible, but with God nothing is impossible.
With God I am this woman and so is every woman who follows the Lord.
You see, the men on project call us women P31's, meaning Proverbs 31, meaning this woman. When I first heard that I almost cried. These men see me as this perfect godly woman. Wow. What a compliment.
But the reality is, I can never be this woman, ever. It is Christ in me who makes me this woman. The important part of this woman is that she is godly, she isn't doing all these things by her own effort, she is seen as a godly woman because she follows God and fears Him. God working in her makes her this perfect woman.
How freeing!
To be a perfect woman, perfect wife, perfect mother, I don't have to rely on my own strength and my own effort, I have to rely on God and God alone.

On a similar note, it has been eye-opening to be treated like this woman by the men on this project. To be loved as a sister in Christ and to be treated as such. These men respect us as Proverbs 31 women and it shows.
It has been a life-changing experience!

Psalm 73

So, it has been almost a month since I started working here at Lake Street. For those who are just joining us, Lake Street Landscaping Supply is a landscaping supply company for contractors and homeowners who need grass seed, stone, mulch, dirt, sand, etc...
I was hired a week before I arrived in the city, by the grace of God.
We received a packet in the mail with all the information we needed for the summer including locations in the city that were hiring. Lake Street was on the list.
Since I have been planting flowers, pulling weeds, moving dirt and working outside for as long as I can remember, I immediately looked down upon the idea of working for a landscaping company.
Well, God had a different plan.
I called almost every other business in the packet and no one was interested. I even applied to Chuck-E-Cheese.
So I swallowed my pride and called lake Street.
I left a message for mark, the owner, telling him why I was going to be in the city, that is as with Campus Crusade and that i would like a job.
This was the only phone call in which I actually disclosed that I was going to be in the city on a mission trip.
He called me back in 3 hours asking for my availability.
The next day, he gave me a job and told me I would be in the office, not in the yard.
So, I started work the first Monday we were here.
I started with answering phone calls, transferring phone calls, cleaning the show room, organizing mark's office and taking sod orders.
Soon enough, I was working the sales desk and getting to know my way around the company and how it works.
You may have read my post about my first experience at the sales desk.
Anyhow, I have now been here for almost a month.
And God has a funny way of showing us why He has placed us where He has and what we are supposed to do for Him.
So, recently I have been rather bitter about the number of hours I have been working.
I just felt really tired all the time, and I felt like I was missing out on project, like group dates, outings, baking cookies, etc.
I was just in a funk about why I was at Lake Street in the first place.
I barely know anything about landscaping.
I am only here for the summer.
I was doing random, seemingly pointless jobs.
I just felt inadequate. I felt like I didn't belong here and I felt like I was just wasting everyone's time and money.
Well, when we do things for God's kingdom, satan likes to feed us lies. That is exactly what he was doing.
Telling me I had no purpose here, that I was not worthy of being here and that I didn't belong here.
Lies. Plain and simple.
BUT, God is good.
Today, is the start of a new week, yet I was still believing the same lies.
Until I prayed that God would tell me why I am here, why I am at Lake Street.
And it happened.
Bubba, one of the younger yard boys, came in to the kitchen where I was cleaning.
he mentioned that Joel, another guy from project who works in the yard, was talking to him about why we are here.
So I started to tell him why we were here and I asked him what he believed and why, then I got to share how Christ changed my life and what I believed to be true of God.
That is why I am here.
Period.
I am here to bring glory to God and to share His Gospel.
Isaiah 43:7
I am here to bring God glory.
I prayed this prayer this morning and the Lord showed me literally minutes later.

Wow.

Psalm 73:2-5
"But I nearly missed it, missed seeing His goodness. I was looking the other way, looking up to the people. At the top, envying the wicked who have it made, who have nothing to worry about, not a care in the whole wide world"
Vs 17
"...Until I entered the sanctuary of God. Then I saw the whole picture..."
Vs 21-24
"When I was beleaguered and bitter, totally consumed by envy, I was totally ignorant, a dumb ox in Your very presence. I'm still in Your presence, but You've taken my hand. You wisely and tenderly lead me, and then you bless me."

You bless me Lord, You bless me even when I don't see it, You bless me.
See it doesn't matter if I am cleaning out the freezer, or sweeping the floor or helping customers, I am here to serve God and bring Him glory.
I am here for Him.

Week 3

While reading this week, I came across this passage and it struck me. This describes my journey with the Lord over these last few weeks. He has recently shown me some of the things I struggle with and this passage expresses those struggles exactly. This describes what is going on in my heart.
It is based off of Psalm 51:16
"For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with my burnt offerings."

I wish I would live with You in view;
Eyes to Your glory
Ears to Your wisdom
Heart for Your grace.
But I live with me in view.
Eyes to my kingdom
Ears for my opinion
Heart captured by my will.
I know I was made for You,
I know that Hope
Meaning
Purpose
Identity
My agenda for every day,
Is to be found in You.
But I want my own kingdom
I love my own glory
I define my own meaning
I delight in my control.
I know you are not fooled
By my burnt offerings.
There's a war that never ends;
The battleground is my heart.
It's a moral skirmish
Between what You have ordained
And what I want.
So I don't find pleasure in Your glory,
I don't delight in Your law.
But my heart doesn't rest;
I know there's a better way.
I know You are God
And I am not.
My sin is more than
Bad behavior
A bad choice
Wrong words.
My sin is a violation of the relationship
That I was meant to have with You.
My sin is an act
Where I replace You
With something I love more.
Every wrong thing I do
Reflects
A lack of love for You,
Reflects
A love of self.
Help me
To see
To acknowledge
To weep
And say,
"Against You, You only have I sinned
And done what is evil in your sight."
And then help me to rest
In Your mercy
In Your tender mercy
In Your faithful love,
Even as the war goes on.

This hit something inside.
Although Chicago is amazing and I am having a great time, it is extremely difficult spiritually. I have never been so challenged in my faith. I am physically and spiritually exhausted from fighting my own stubborn self will and my sin. I am so tired of it. Honestly, I know God is using this experience to change me and heal me and cut the sin out of my life and help me to grow closer to Him. BUT all that is extremely hard. I feel under attack all the time, not by people, but by sin, the world, satan.
This is just so hard. The Lord is breaking me of sin, and ultimately myself, which doesn't even sound easy, but I know that the Lord has made me for His glory and He will bring me out of this with a stronger faith and a pure heart. God is changing me, and change is hard. The Lord is good.

"I know that god wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle, but I wish He just wouldn't trust me so much."
-Mother Theresa

Praise God for what He is doing in my life, even though it is hard and challenging and discouraging at times! He is good! And He is faithful!

Luke 23:27

"A large crowd of people followed him; among them were some women who were weeping and wailing for him."


What a beautiful verse. These women who were following Jesus were so amazed at Him and so committed to Him,that when they were walking behind Him to the cross, they were so overcome with emotion all they could do was weep, and not just weep, they were wailing.
This verse hits something inside me. These women were so overcome with the sacrifice Jesus was about to make they couldn't help but cry over Him. It makes me all teary-eyed. This man, this innocent man died because I did something wrong, I am the sinner, I'm the one who is broken, yet He was broken and beaten for me, so I may be able to live with Him.
His love is overwhelming, His sacrifice is unreal, His suffering is unimaginable...We have a hard time picturing the amount of pain and torment He faced, it makes us cringe, we try to sugar-coat it. But make no mistake, the suffering Jesus faced was unbelievable. He took on the death we all deserve. Think about all the bad things you have done in your life, and now think of your best friend's list of sins, now add your family's list and what about your neighborhood, your school, your hometown, your state, the country. With all those bad things added up, think about every person that has ever lived and all the wrong things they have done. Now lets say, just to picture it, for every bad thing, wrong thing, sin someone has committed, that whole list of wrong-doings we just created, you added 1 pound of weight to a scale. So, I'm sure you get the picture, if you added 1 pound of weight for all those people and all those not-so-good things, the weight of all that crap, would be...um ridiculous. Think about it, would it be over 1 million pounds? 2 million? 1 billion? I can't wrap my mind around it, I honestly can't. Oh and one more thing, that weight is ALWAYS increasing, always. It never stops.
So bringing it back, Jesus, on the cross, took on that weight, that number, that load. While on the cross, He took that weight. It blows my mind. We can't even think of a number big enough to represent that weight. But He took it on Himself, He died for it so we didn't have to.
That thought, what He did, is incredible... That is a sacrifice a real sacrifice. think about the person you love most in this world, would you die for them?
Jesus died for you because He loves you that much.
So when thinking of it that way, these women were mourning His death, the suffering He was about to face, and celebrating it, because of the love of this one man.
And with that thought, the thought of celebration, I bring you to Sunday, June 12, 2011. This night would mark our first Woman's time here in Chicago. For those who aren't familiar with this phrase, it is a time where all the women on project get together and spend time with the Lord. Women's times have a stereotype attached, usually women get together and drink coffee and talk about purity or beauty or some other specific topic directed toward young women. The men usually get to play sports or do some crazy activity during Men's time, which sometimes frustrates us women who like to play games and have fun too. So when walking into Women's time, I had this idea in mind, "why do the guys always have fun and we have to talk about our feelings...again?!" but I tried to keep an open mind anyhow. Little did I know God was about to use those feelings and those women to change my heart and build a community.
So to make a long story short, Nancy, our director opened up the floor for sharing. Translation, if you have anything you are feeling guilty for, or want prayer for or need to get off your chest, this is a safe place and you can do it now.
Well, to protect the privacy and thoughts of these wonderful women, I will be brief about this particular part. The flood gates opened. Everyone was sharing some deep and painful stuff and it was incredible.
The room was filled with tears, sadness,sin, prayer and hope.
Not only did some women receive prayer and hope for some for their struggles, but they put it out on the open, removing its power. Sometimes sin has a tendency to control us when it knows we are alone and vulnerable, so when you announce it to a room of 50 Christ-like women who are prayerfully and passionately seeking victory over that sin and that temptation, you remove it's control and it's power. We created a community between us, because we could be honest with one another without the fear of rejection.
So not only did we conquer sin and create a bond between us, we glorified God just like those women who followed Jesus on the way to the cross.
We were weeping and wailing for Him, calling to attention our sinfulness and brokenness and remembering His sacrifice, His love and His promises. Glorifying all those things He did for us on the cross.
I came across that verse (Luke 23:27) that night after Women's time and it struck in me the power of what had just happened, and how much god was glorified in our weakness. Those women were not only wailing because Jesus was about to die, but they were wailing because Jesus was about to die for them. We were not only wailing because of our sin and our struggles, we were wailing for the glory God brought amidst those struggles. We were wailing because He died for us and because of that we didn't have to face those struggles any longer.

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful, just like we are because of Him.
Praise God for these women and the cross which made us flawless in His eyes.

Week 2

I have officially become a Chicago-ian, OK I don't know if that phrase is legit, but yes indeed I am officially living in Chicago!
I know that sounds silly, y'all are like "Katie I thought you moved in two Fridays ago," and you would be right, but the first week was all about getting acclimated to the city and to the routine of things around here and now it has begun, things are in full swing.
Oddly enough, even though last week was our first week, I know feel like I have lived here my whole life, which is very cool.
So anyway onto the meat and potatoes of this past week:
Work has been great! Seriously great! I actually feel like a part of the team at Lake Street and I feel like my work and presence there is valued and appreciated, which shouldn't matter because my worth isn't found in whether I am appreciated or not by those I work with, but it does feel good to be accepted there.
On a similar note, I know God is using my experience at Lake Street to not only to do ministry there or share my faith with those around me but for my own healing.
I'll explain.
Two summers ago, I didn't know who God was and looking back on it wouldn't even consider myself a Christian, yes I was raised Catholic, but as far as I knew, that was enough for me at the time, I rested on my identity as a Catholic girl but had no clue what it meant to actually BE Catholic. So anyway, I was working for my grandparents and taking classes at Macomb, which is a community college. Working for my grandparents was fun, tiring but fun. I was finally building a relationship with my grandparents and that was something I had really wanted all my life. So to make a very long story short, my grandfather got very sick in the beginning of July and passed away two weeks later. My world stopped. Literally. He was the first person in my family, that I had a relationship with, to pass away and his death was something I know I still haven't completely dealt with. So, at that time my beliefs couldn't have been more scattered. I didn't know what I believed or what to believe, I was lost. Again, paraphrasing, his death and those questions I was asking myself about my faith and what I believed ultimately led me to my faith in Jesus Christ. I know what you're asking is "OK Katie what does that have to do with Chicago," But I am getting there...
My grandfather was a contrator for many many years. I got to see a little bit of what he did growing up, but not the inner-workings of it. So I work at a landscaping supply company, meaning contractors come in and buy things for jobs and come to get estimates on items for future projects. At the beginning of the week, I was working at Sean's desk (one of my bosses) which is by the sales desk. And as I was sitting there, listening to the contrators and thinking about everything that goes on there, I couldn't help thinking about how my grandpa would fit in there. I could see him standing at the counter with a toothpick in his hand asking the guys about some product for a church, I could see him correcting the newer employees and flirting with the young women behind the counter, innocently of course. I could see him eating a polish sausage on Fridays when we put them out for the contrators, he loved that stuff. I feel his presence there. When talking to my mom about how I felt and what I was thinking while at work she made me realize something. This is God's way of helping me finally come to terms with my grandfathers death. I am seeing his world, the contracting business world from his eyes, from behind the scenes. Working in his environment, I think will help me learn about the kind of man he was in the business world and help me connect to him on a different level, his level, in something he was good at, in something. It is almost like God is using this experience at work to show me something about my grandpa, connect to him on a different level and help me remember him.
I realize this sounds crazy. I know it does, but seriously that's how I feel. His death rocked my world and working at this place may help put some of those lost pieces, the ones still floating out in the space of my brain, back together. I know God knows that, I know He knows I am still dealing with my grandfather's death and the effects of it, yes something good came out of it, I gained eternal life and an amazing God who loves me, but a piece of my family is missing and I know working at this place will help heal those feelings of loss and help me feel as though he isn't completely gone from my life.
God is sovereign and uses everything for His glory and His benefits and I know this experience at Lake Street will help me see that although my grandfather died, God used it to pull me close to Him and God is now using my grandfather's life to heal the pain of that loss... and that is how cool Our God is, He can do anything and he knows what we need and He uses it for His glory.
Again, God works in crazy ways, and on top of everything I am learning here and everything He is teaching me, I know He will help me come to terms with some of the pain I still have left from events in my life, and my grandfather's death is one of those events. I am so thankful to be here and to be learning and growing so much already, and I am thankful that everyday at work I get to remember and in a way celebrate my grandfather's life and what His death did for me in my walk with the Lord.
Praise God for that!

"Cast all your anxieties on the Lord, for He cares for you."
1 Peter 5:7
Yes, He cares, he really cares.

Week 1

Hey folks,
For the next few weeks I will be posting updates on this blog to keep everyone informed on what's happening in Chicago, what the Lord has been teaching me and what I have been up to with my project team and at my job and in this ministry.
This will be a place where I am completely honest about my experiences in Chicago. This will be a little bit more personal than email updates or Facebook posts.
Before I tell you about Chicago, I wanted to first thank you all for supporting me with your prayers and your finances! I have not reached my goal yet, but I am confident that the Lord will bring the rest in quickly and in His timing.
So with that: I am in Chicago!
It has been about 5 days since move-in and I am loving this place!
For the next 10 weeks, I will be living in a loft apartment very close to downtown Chicago. The lofts are beautiful and I even have my own room.
I share the loft with 3 incredible roommates who are super encouraging as sisters in Christ and so much fun to be with, I feel like we have been friends for a long time, we get along really well and I am so thankful for that. We are also very honest and open with each other which is an incredible blessing for me, because I feel as if we can really encourage each other through our past struggles and our current ones.
The schedule for the next 10 weeks is pretty packed; it includes Sunday church, Monday and Thursday night meetings, Tuesday night bible study, Wednesday night quiet times and fun/game nights/hang-out times thrown in along with campus times once a week and other meetings as well throughout the week plus work 5 days a week. So even without work, project is pretty busy and can be rather exhausting.
However, the Lord blessed me with a job before I even arrived in the city, which I am extremely thankful for. I work at a landscaping supply yard, I am the receptionist. I do miscellaneous jobs around the office, including organizing products, filing paperwork, rearranging things and of course answering phones. Today, however, I worked the sales desk which was terrifying. Today was my third day in the office and the only landscaping thing I can do right now is help customers order sod. So the Lord was definitely in control of this afternoon as I stepped behing the sales desk. He provided customers with patience and my co-workers with compassion, patience, forgiveness and kindness as they helped me work the desk. They walked me through orders and checkouts while the customers patiently waited for their products, I have never felt God's provisions like that before.
Here's why: When you are in a hurry and all you want to do is complete your tasks for that day and you run into something that slows you down or makes you miss a task or throws off your schedule, you get frustrated right?! Its a human thing, we have all done it, you just aren't in a good mood, or you've had a bad day, or its hot and you want to get back into the air conditioning, whatever the reason is, we have all been there and it is frustrating. Well today, I was that obstacle. I had no clue how to work the desk or the computer system or even what some of the products were, no clue, I can order you sod, but that's about it, oh and I can put you on hold and make you wait for the next available worker who can actually help you with your order, which can be really aggravating. However, instead of these customers taking out their frustration on me or yelling at me or complaining, they were patient and kind and waited for the next available worker or waited with me as I was walked through the steps to complete an order. Talk about God's grace! That was so cool to me! I honestly felt God's grace and it really showed me God's control and power in all situations, even in a hot dusty trailer in the middle of Chicago.
Although frustration did get the best of me on the walk home, God's grace and love covered all that, at work and tonight. Wednesdays are times where we spend time reading the bible and praying before God, times where we can get away from the craziness of the city and spend time with the Creator. The Lord used that time today to calm my frustration and bring me back to the reason I am here, which is Him and He has been using the Bible and the rest of my team here with me to show me that He really matters, and He is the only thing that matters in this life. Not broken phones or hot summer days or crowded bus rides or sore legs or clumsy moments or even my roommates or work, only He matters, the Lord. This is why I titled this blog Isaiah 43:7 which reads "They are my own people, and I created them to bring me glory." That matters. God matters and He is the only thing, that is why I am on this Earth right now in this year at this time, for God's purpose and to bring Him glory and He has honestly been teaching me that recently and it is freeing to think about that. So bad days? Don't matter. Broken phones? Nope. Sore legs? Who cares. Mean customers? They aren't why I am here. I am here for God's glory and that is incredible. Very cool!
Tomorrow, I go on campus for the first time since arriving in the city. I will be at DePaul University tomorrow, talking to students about who they are, what they believe and simply getting to know them. I have been assigned to Illinois Institute of Technology and Harry S Truman College, which have mostly international students. I am very excited to go on campus and learn all about the students of this city, but I am nervous for how the Lord will use me on these campuses because I don't have much experience with international students, so I am trusting the Lord with this one as He takes me out of my comfort zone.
That is where I will wrap up for the night, with the Lord taking me out of my comfort zone which I think will be a theme this summer.
Keep me in your thoughts and prayers! Thank you again for all the love and support!
Look for updates throughout the summer and throughout the weeks to come!